The "steps" offered here are also woven throughout the book. I have brought them together for easy reference. 1. Truthfulness · In public, spare your friend and others the embarrassment of absolute truthfulness. · In private, patiently and lovingly tell your friend even the hardest truths. 2. Straight Talk · When you don’t understand, say so. Saying you’re confused, "levels the playing field." · When talking with your friend, use his name frequently to anchor him to the conversation and to remind him that the two of you have a relationship. · Repeat the subject of a conversation frequently to refresh your friend’s memory and to help him maintain his focus. · Avoid using pronouns like he, she, him, her, they, them, it. Refer specifically, by name, to the person, place or thing you are talking about. · Use a conversational "time-out" or a change of subject to break the cycle of an obsessive verbal "loop." To avoid confusion, tell your friend what you’re doing. For Example, "David, I’m going to stop talking for a few minutes and just enjoy this wonderful food. Or, "David, let’s change the subject for a moment." 3. Practicalities · Careful grooming is essential for your friend’s morale. It also affects how the world responds to him. He deserves your support in presenting himself as attractively as possible so others will respond to him as positively as possible. · Offer choices to your friend only when you can comfortably accept what he chooses. 4. Chosen Perspectives · You choose your perspective - an invaluable thing to remember in dark hours. · Give your friend credit for knowing more than he is capable of expressing. He probably does know more. If he doesn’t, what’s the harm? · Your friend is less mentally and emotionally flexible than you are. Try to be flexible for both of you. · Your friend needs your acceptance and willingness to participate with him exactly as he is at any given moment. · You have no "lessons" to teach. Your friend is beyond lessons. Besides, you are the student. · See yourself in your friend. Discovering your common humanity will open your heart to him. An open heart creates the best outcome. · Your friend won’t hold your mistakes against you for long. Try to be equally forgiving. · Give up lofty goals. Look for meaning in the moment. · Try laughing before crying. · When laughing fails, cry . . . hard. Note: To avoid the he/she, gender tangle, and because Dancing on Quicksand is about David, I used "he" exclusively in the "steps" above. For More Information To find out more about David, Marilyn, and Dancing on Quicksand: Email: mitchell@DancingOnQuicksand.com Fax: 303-433-5058 Mail: 1130 Milwaukee Street, Denver, CO 80206 Published by Johnson Books Email: books@jpcolorado.com Phone: 800-258-5830 Mail: 1880 South 57th Court, Boulder, CO 80301 ISBN: 1-55566-321-4 © 2002 - 2018 Marilyn Mitchell - Web site created by Brian Cruce